march 29th. two thousand nine.

Tonight. My bones and mind; weary. Thoughts that have been built upon fear, question, hope, and pride have come to a close. This reasoning has gone on for so long--untouched, being stacked one on top of the other, growing quickly in breadth. New relations bring me this closure, and I acknowledge the blessing that it is. I have been competent to unearth the theory that everything, trusts in something.
Man keenly trusts the growing and working of their subconscious mind. We trust that our subconscious mind will alert our heart to pump blood to every limb and organ of our body, supplying nutrients that give life and energy while simultaneously cleansing tissues of everyday residue. We trust that our subconscious mind will awaken the thousands of finest nerves, each responsive to just one light perceptive cell, convey images of reality into our minds, which stores them away for future retrieval. We trust that our subconscious mind will evoke the rows of tiny hairs that bend to the movement of the fluid that bathes them. Each hair, vibrating to the frequency of just one wavelength of sound.
Or even nature. Nature confides in the numerous role that each living organism participates in. The entire earth trusts in the sun. The earth trusts gravitational pull of the sun to hold the earth and other planets in orbit. The oceans and the seas trust in solar energy to keep the temperature of earth at a level that allows a variety of life to exist. Time trusts in the guidance of the sun to rise over the eastern horizon come morning, stretch out across the sky come day, and rest in the west come evening. Plants trust in the sun's good energy to make food, and plants in turn, provide food for other organisms.
Man trusts in the words of society. To direct us onto the path of prosperity and enlightenment. We put trust in our governmental power (I don't, but some do) to sell us edible food, to provide us with trusting doctors, to provide first-rate teachers to mold the minds of the young, to preserve our life's earnings, etc, etc, etc.
The most bona fide use of trustfulness, we trust in loved ones. We trust in parental authorities to love unconditionally without effort. We trust them to provide, protect, and encourage. We trust in lovers. For sincerity, and commitment. For inspiration and passion. We trust them with our vulnerability,to accept and flatter it.
I'm learning through exhaustion and a weakened spirit, that you can't place trust in people. To arrange words more clearly, you cannot place your emotions into peoples hands. You cannot allow people or any other created thing, dictate the freeness of your spirit.
Nature is the echoer of the Divine. I know this because nature does not fail nature. Humans fail humans, we are flawed and blind in every way. We put things into our own hands rather than letting experiences occur organically, in harmony with one another. The sun continues to burn because it needs to. The plants grows because they are required to. Animals eat and digest these plants because it is necessary that they do so. Man has been blessed...a blessing, but a curse to have the freedom to live out of order, to live spontaneously. Through our freedom, we bring failure.
Everything trusts in something. My trust in people has been significantly shaken these past few months. I wish earnestly that we could trust humans like we could trust nature or the divine. My words carry out no meaning or clarity. But these are my thoughts. Jumbled, broken, imperfect, and blind. These thoughts are molding me. So I share them.